the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize