I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Four minutes until I can fart!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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