Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
