I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
