Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Actions speak louder than pants.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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