hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
