Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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