I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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