Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
