The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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