Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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