thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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