I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
