Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize