I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
