Fuck appropriateness.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
