These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
