That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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