This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
