Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That's when you crack a 10am beer
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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