porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
