hotel room ftw
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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