wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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