i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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