I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
