I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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