Swine flu is the new snow day.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
