In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
