Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
