he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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