Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
