my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
