i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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