hotel room ftw
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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