mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
