i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
so much tequila, so little girl.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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