I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
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