I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
