I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
