my phone needs a breathalizer
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
