Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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