I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
