Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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