He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
