If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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