We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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