they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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