i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
