My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
