she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
