State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
