WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
