this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
