Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
