I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
