are you so shy because you have an std?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
