Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
