We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
