ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
