Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
