This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Someone signed my nipple.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
