Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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