I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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