is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
