one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
