i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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