I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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