After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
