I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
