sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
