areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
