Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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