I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
