I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
