reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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