plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Even my vagina gasped.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
