i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i think i just lost a toe
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
