he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
