your thong is hanging out like whoa
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
