Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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