i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
