Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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